Deadly Illusions
by xRainyx
Summary: Love is a strong word. So is loss. When love and loss combine for Santana, she is sent into an emotional struggle within her mind that she'll need to work to overcome. Will she overcome her mentall illness, or give into her deadly illusions?
1. She's not Here

_**A/N**_

_**WELL HEY! **_

_**First, if your coming to this story from being subscribed to me previously, hello! I'm Rainy! Still the same person, a little older, but not much has changed. **_

_**If you don't know me... Hello! Thanks for clicking. I was listening to the Next to Normal, and suddenly this idea came to my mind. Now I haven't read many Glee fanfics, so I wouldn't know if this is a reoccurring topic, but the idea had just been stuck in my head, and I wanted to get it out on paper. **_

_**My writing might be a bit rusty, I apologize. I haven't written fanfiction in like, two years. So anywho, read, review, enjoy- you know what you need to do. **_

_Beep... Beep... Beep_

Santana smiled to herself as she heard the oven go off. Finally, the thing she'd spent that past hour trying to finish was done. The latina got up from her chair and quickly made her way across the empty Home Ec room to retrieve the chocolate cake that had been baking. Chocolate... It's Brittany's favorite flavor.

Santana opened the oven, letting the chocolate smell waft across the room. The school seemed so eerie after hours, but Santana didn't mind. She took the cake out, setting it on the counter. She examined the chocolate cake, trying to determine whether or not to use pink or blue icing... Pink was Brittany's favorite color, but blue matched Brittany's eyes. Santana was so caught up in trying to figure out what to use when suddenly, she heard a familiar voice from behind her.

"Knock knock!" Giggled the whimsical little voice Santana could only pinpoint as Brittany's. Thinking quickly, Santana removed the sweatshirt she was wearing and tossed it over the cake. She spun around to face the beautiful blonde in front of her.

"Brittany!" Santana gasped, leaning against the counter, covering what was behind her. "What are you doing here?" Brittany stepped into the room and started walked towards Santana. Santana's heart beat faster every time Brittany took a step towards her, like it always did.

"Looking for you! What else would I be doing?" Brittany said, not taking her eyes off Santana. Santana took the risk of walking away from the covered cake over to where Brittany was, stopping her in her tracks.

"Well, I'm right here, babe..." She said, locking her gaze into Brittany's. Brittany looked at her with the same intensity, and smiled as she reached over to brush hair away from Santana's eyes.

"Well we should go," she said, grabbing Santana's hand. "Everyone's at Glee club, wondering where you are." Santana nodded quickly.

"Right! Okay!" She said almost too quickly, squeezing Brittany's hand. "How about I meet you there in like five minutes?" Santana said, as she lead Brittany to the door. "I promise, I'll be right there." Santana noticed Brittany looked slightly neglected by this, so she gently put her hand under Brittany's chin and kissed her on the cheek. Brittany just cocked an eyebrow at her.

"You call **that** a birthday kiss?" Brittany said, teasingly. Santana opened her mouth in defense, but Brittany didn't give her time to speak, for she had already reached her neck out to kiss Santana deeply on the lips. Santana, not forgetting about the cake, gently held the kiss for a few seconds, then pulled away.

"Britt... I love you... but seriously, _go_!" Santana took Brittany's hand and twirled her around, directing her out the door. Brittany just gave a cute giggle, and started to skip down the hallway. Santana watched as she skipped down to the choir room, her long blonde hair bouncing up and down as she ran.

Santana smiled as she ran off. Then, when Brittany was out of sight, Santana darted back over to the cake, through her sweatshirt off of it, and began to ice it furiously with the pink icing. When there was an even layer of pink icing, Santana took the blue icing and carefully etched the words "Happy Birthday Brittany!" into the cake. She grabbed her bag from the table and rummaged through it before taking out two candles that created the number 17. She stuck the candle into the cake, and lit both of them before picking up the cake and heading out the door.

Santana resisted the urge to skip as Brittany had done just a few minutes before. Instead, Santana walked carefully, making sure the candles in the cake wouldn't blow out. On her walk down, Santana lost herself in her thoughts about Brittany. The past year had been perfect. Santana, after coming out to her family, confessed her love to Brittany, officially asking her to be her girlfriend. That was one of the best days of her life. She saw the excitement on Brittany's face when she said yes... That reaction was etched in Santana's mind as she walked. After that day, it had only been uphill for the two lovebirds. This cake was a present for Brittany, along with the necklace Santana planned to give her later that night. She would make sure this would be the best day Brittany ever had.

As she neared the choir room, her excitement increased. She could hear the Glee kids singing some chirpy upbeat song that, on a normal day, Santana would rip to shreds. But today, Santana didn't feel like berating anyone, just making a special day for Brittany.

"Hello everyone, it's a very special day today!" Santana chirped. The whole room stopped singing the upbeat number, and turned around to stare at Santana. Good, she had everyone's attention. Santana took a deep breath before she began to sing. _"Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you!" _

Santana examined the looks on the kid's faces, and right away, she knew something didn't seem right. They didn't smile. They didn't start to sing along. Was Rachel... crying? Finn wrapped his arm around her, almost consolingly. _"Happy birthday to Britt-_"

"Santana." Mr. Schue cut her off rather abruptly, with a firmness in his voice that seemed to take back the whole Glee club. Mr. Schue looked over to Mike, who happened to be standing the closest to him and whispered, "Go get Ms. Pillsbury." Upon this request, Mike broke into a sprint out the door.

"I don't understand?" Santana said, darting her eyes around the room. "Where's Brittany? I sent her back down a few seconds ago..." She swallowed hard, growing panicked as the room stayed silent. Each and every person in the room was staring at her with such a strange intenseness.

Kurt cupped his hands around his face. "Oh my god..." He muttered, shocked at what he was hearing. Mr. Schue took the initiative to walk towards Santana, and gently removed the cake from her hands.

Santana just stood there, frozen and confused. "Hey! That's for..."

"Santana." Mr. Schue set the cake down on the piano and looked her straight in the eye. "Brittany's dead, Santana. She's been dead for a year now."


	2. Half Gone

"Your name?"

"Santana."

"No, I mean your full name."

"Santana Lopez."

"Okay, Santana, let us start simple. Why are you here?"

Santana looked at the man in front of her. He was older, later forties, maybe. His hair was a darker ginger, and his eyes were the same color as Ms. Pillsbury's. This was the therapist Ms. Pillsbury had recommended for Santana, and her parents jumped on the opportunity to send her as soon as they found time. Coincidentally, he happened to be Ms. Pillsbury's cousin, who owned a clinic in a town just outside of Lima.

Moments passed without Santana answering. Dr. Pillsbury just looked at her from across his desk and sighed, drumming his fingers against her newly created file. "Listen, Santana. This isn't going to work if I'm the only one talking."

"Well, then maybe you should go talk to someone else." Santana shot back coldly. Dr. Pillsbury leaned forward a bit.

"That's not what I'm being payed to do." He said. Santana raised a questioning eyebrow at him, and he quickly changed his story. "I mean... What I'm trying to say is you have a lot of people worried about you, Santana. I'm just trying to figure out whats wrong, so those people don't have to worry."

Santana so badly wanted to punch this guy's face in. What more could she do to mentally let this guy know that he wasn't getting anything out of her? The situation was uncomfortable for both of them at this point, so why didn't he just give up like all the other doctors did?

"Fucking lay off." She hissed. "I can help myself."

"No." The doctor said, in almost a hushed tone, not showing any response to Santana's tone. "No you can't."

What the hell? Who was he to tell Santana what she could and could not do for herself? Santana didn't bother fighting the urge to leave. She stood up abruptly, right after Dr. Pillsbury was done talking. "Fuck this shit! I'm outta here." She growled as she stormed towards the door, only to find herself struggling with the handle.

"Don't bother, Ms. Lopez." Said Dr. Pillsbury in a calm demeanor. "The door is locked."

Santana turned around, glaring at the doctor. How dare he? No one ever locked the door on her.

"Smart..." She mumbled, having no choice now but to return to her seat, which she did. "Fine." She said, defeated. "I'll talk, but on one condition."

"And this is...?" Dr. Pillsbury questioned.

"We open the window. It's too dark in here."

Cooperatively doing so, the red-haired man pulled the blinds open, the window overlooking the parking lot at 4 p.m. on a January afternoon. "Like the view?" Dr. Pillsbury joked. "You can see why I don't like leaving this open."

Santana wasn't listening to a word he was saying, because when he opened the window, Santana didn't just see a parking lot. No, she saw someone in the parking lot. Someone familiar. She was further away, but she was there. Her long blonde hair and muscular legs were all too familiar to Santana.

"Brittany..." Santana whispered, keeping her eyes on the window. She could see the blonde smile, as she walked across the parking lot and towards the window.

"Santana." Dr. Pillsbury tried to bring her attention back to him. "What are you looking at?"

"What?" Santana's head darted to him, then back to the window. She'd forgotten he was still sitting there. "Oh... Nothing." She said, her gaze still out the window.

"Okay then... Let's talk about why your here now." The doctor said, trying to get Santana back on track. "Tell me about her."

Brittany was only a few yards away from the window now. God, did Santana think she looked adorable. She wore her favorite yellow summer dress, the one that made her blue eyes sparkle when the sun hit them just right. Santana didn't bother to question why Brittany was wearing a summer dress in the middle of January, but she wasn't complaining.

"Tell you about who?" Santana responded, her gaze fixated on the gorgeous girl outside.

"Brittany. I want you to tell me about Brittany." Dr. Pillsbury said, pulling out a pen and paper. Santana sat there not looking at him, she spoke as if she were hypnotized by the girl outside.

"She's... Beautiful..." Santana said, as she watched Brittany run her fingers through her long blonde hair. "She's innocent... And she's perfect. Perfect for me.

Dr. Pillsbury took a moment to write a few notes, then looked back up at the dazed Latina. "Santana... you talk of her as if she's still here." He said, concerned.

This was when Santana looked away from Brittany for a split second. "What do you mean, she's not here?" She said, almost offended. Dr. Pillsbury gasped.

"Santana..." He sat there for a moment, at a complete loss for words. "Santana, I know it can be hard losing a friend, and denial is a common thing, but-"

"Wait, a _friend_?" Santana cut him off. Just when Santana was about to settle in, he had to pull the "friend" card. Santana had heard this from too many doctors and therapists already, and she wasn't going to let another jackass abuse the word again. Santana stood up, staring Dr. Pillsbury down.

"I _love_ her. I will always _love_ her. And I don't care who the hell you think you are to convince me otherwise." Tears started to stream down Santana's face, but like hell she was going to act weak. "You know, I'm really fed up with all your bullshit you preach at these kinds of places. It's not helping, and it never will."

* * *

><p>"Hey! Finn!" Rachel called out cheerfully from across the department store. "I think I found the <em>perfect<em> tie for you!" The bubbly brunette ran up to Finn with a deep blue tie, with two small golden stars etched at the bottom. "I think it'll compliment my dress wonderfully!"

Finn looked down, not at the tie, but at Rachel's face, so excited over the tie she held in her hand. Being it there senior year, Rachel wanted to plan ahead for prom, making sure everything was perfect for the couple. Finn didn't mind. It meant spending more time with his girlfriend, and seeing her as excited as she was now made his day any day. "It's perfect, Rachel." He smiled, kissing her on the forehead. "You're perfect."

Just then, Finn's cell phone started buzzing in his pocket. He reached in and took it out, reading the name that showed up on the caller ID.

"Who is it?" Rachel asked curiously.

"Santana." Finn half-whispered. Rachel gasped. They hadn't heard from Santana since two days ago at Glee, when she had another Brittany episode. This one had been the worst one yet. She'd gone and baked a cake for Brittany's birthday. It was the most pitiful thing the Glee kids had ever seen. When they broke the news to her that Brittany was dead, it was a whirl wind of emotions. All Rachel could remember was sobbing into Quinn's shoulder as she watched Finn help carry an immobile Santana to the nurse's office.

"You'd better answer that..." Rachel said quietly, as she walked over to one of the cushioned chairs in the department store. She cared about Santana, she really did, but half of her wanted to shut the whole situation out of her head and not worry about it.

Finn nodded, as he watched Rachel sit before answering the phone.

"Hello? Santana?" He answered, walking a little ways away from Rachel. What he heard on the other line startled him.

There was sobbing, lots of sobbing. He heard sobbing, as well as choppy words and sentences coming from Santana. "Finn... I'm so... I saw... Brittany..." Were all he could make out.

"Whoa, Santana... Calm down." He said into the phone, suddenly feeling exposed, having this conversation in the middle of a department store.

He heard gasps for air on the other line. "Finn, I saw her. Again. She was _real_, I know she was." Finn's heart sank.

"What do you mean? Where?" He spoke rapidly. He looked over to Rachel's curious expression and mouthed the words,_ 'she saw her'. _Rachel silently put her hand to her mouth as he said this.

"Finn... I saw her. That's about all I know. It was at Dr. Pillsbury's, she was there. It was real." Santana sounded so convinced. Finn paused to walk over to sit next to Rachel.

"Santana, you didn't see her. You couldn't have." Finn said.

"But-"

"No! Santana, why do you do this to yourself?"

"Finn!" Santana shouted into the phone. This took Finn aback. "Shut your food-hole for two seconds and fucking _listen_ to me. Brittany isn't fucking dead, because I saw her, plain as day. And I don't care what any of you Glee kids try to tell me, she's alive." With that sentence, Finn heard the line go dead. Shaking, he just stared at the phone in his hand. Rachel reached over, hanging up for him, and wrapping her arm around his.

"She'll get better..." Rachel whispered to Finn, but it sounded more like she was trying to convince herself.

"It's been seven months, Rachel. This can't just keep happening. It's not normal."

"Oh Finn..." Rachel said a bit more normally, trying to make light of the current mood. "It's Santana. When has she ever been normal?"

* * *

><p>Santana chucked her cell phone across her bedroom angrily. She grabbed a pillow off her bed and dug her face into it. Why wouldn't anyone listen to her? Why didn't anyone believe her?<p>

"San? You okay?" A voice spoke, and Santana froze, looking up from her pillow. Then there, right in front of her, was Brittany, wearing the same yellow sundress she'd been wearing early that day.

Santana wiped the tears from her eyes, knowing Brittany hated seeing her cry. "Of course Britt! I'm fine." She forced a smile, looking up and down the blonde. "You look gorgeous by the way, but why are you wearing a dress in the middle of January, you nut?" She said playfully. Brittany smiled, her eyes twinkling at Santana.

"Oh, I don't know. I knew you liked it so much, so I thought I'd wear it." Brittany said simply. She sat down next to Santana on her bed, and started to wring her fingers around the Latina's long dark hair. Santana sighed.

"Britt...Can I ask you something, and you promise you won't get mad?" Santana asked, watching as Brittany played with her hair.

"Of course Santana!" She said, stopping to look at her in the eyes.

"Okay..." Santana started. "Um... I don't know, it's a stupid question-"

"You're like the smartest person in the world, Santana. Nothing you say is stupid."

Santana giggled. "Well Britt, some things the Glee kids say are stupid. You know I love them, but I love you more... Britt, you _are_ real, right?"

Brittany just grinned at this, and stood up from Santana's bed. "Santana, I'm as much alive as you want me to be." Brittany reached over and kissed Santana on the cheek. "I'm forever young, and forever yours!"

**A/N**

**Awkward second day update! Woohoo! **

**Whoa. Everythings awkwardly spaced out. Sorry about that, didn't plan on that happening. **

**Well, not much to say here. Review it! Thats what'll get me to update, if you wanna be blunt about it. Uh, yeah. Well hope you enjoyed! :) **

**Oh! And I dedicate this story to the musical Next to Normal, for giving me inspiration to write this. I don't know if I should make this a crossover or not...**

**Oh! And apparently "Deadly Illusions" is the title of an actual book. Awkward. Just lettin' ya'll know, I came up with this title, I didn't blatantly steal it, if anyone was curious.**


	3. There's a World

**A/N: Chapter three! Yay! Homework is a disgusting distraction. **

**Me correcting myself: **

**I caught a continuity error on my part. In chapter one, Mr. Schuester said Brittany had been dead for a year, in chapter two, Rachel said it had been seven months. For all intents and purposes, we're gonna go with Britt died seven months ago. Its January now, so that means Britt died in June. **

**Now go read. And reviews are very much appreciated. Thank you to those who reviewed. And to the person who pegged this as the "best story ever," and the person who called this their "favorite Brittana fic," thank you! Those reviews made me day :)**

Medicine was a funny thing to Santana. Ever since she'd admitting to seeing Brittany, Dr. Pillsbury had prescribed her an extensive amount of antibiotics to help "mentally stabilize her." At least those were the words her doctor used. To be honest, they made Santana feel like she was one of those crazies out of a Lifetime movie. She hated Lifetime movies...

Mrs. Lopez pushed the paper cup towards Santana, along with a bottled water before she headed out for school. Santana just looked at her mom, an eyebrow raised.

"Mom, you really believe all this shit is going to work?" She said, eyeing the collection of pills at the bottom of the cup. Santana's mother just looked at her daughter sympathetically.

"I'm only doing what the doctor said is right, and you know that." She said.

"What if he's wrong?" Santana shot back. Mrs. Lopez outstretched her hand, and set it on her daughter's.

"Please dear, do it for me?"

If there was any woman Santana would ever love as much as she loved Brittany, it was her mother. Looking into her eyes now made Santana realize how much her mom really wanted to help her, and although Santana still had her doubts, it was clear she'd have no choice but to take the pills.

"Fine." She said compliantly. Santana picked up the water bottle and downed the pills in less than two seconds, and headed out the door for school.

Santana's mom watched her daughter go, letting a tear fall off her cheek. She hated doing this to Santana, but what choice did she have? Having medicine was the first time she'd ever been given answers.

* * *

><p>Quinn Fabray, head cheerleader Mckinley High, member of the Glee club and recent applicant to Yale University... She really felt like she had started to put her life together. She' forgotten about Puck, forgotten about what her parents thought of her, and just focused her last months of high school on enjoying her senior year.<p>

Except one thing was missing.

Ever since over the summer, when Brittany died, Quinn felt like she had lost not one, but both of her best friends. This left Quinn feeling more alone than she'd ever felt. Sure, she had the Glee kids, but they didn't know her like Santana and Brittany did.

_Brittany... _You know, as much as everyone floundered over Santana and her grief, no one really ever talked to Quinn about the loss. It was like people had forgotten that she was her best friend. And Quinn had never been one to show all of her emotions in front of others, so no one ever assumed anything was wrong. It made Quinn feel almost invisible.

It had been a week since Santana had been back at school, and today, Quinn was going to talk to her. With her little blonde head held high, Quinn marched over to Santana's locker Thursday morning, where, sure enough, she found Santana, sitting on the ground against it.

"Santana... What are you doing on the ground?" She asked, her arms crossed, looking down at the sad girl. Santana wasn't looking at Quinn.

"Waiting for Brittany..." She mumbled. Quinn just noticed her gaze was towards Brittany's locker. The sight was heartbreaking really, but nothing Quinn hadn't seen before. She wanted Santana to get over Brittany, and this obviously wasn't helping. Quinn sit down on the ground next to Santana, blocking her view of the locker.

"Santana..." She said, staring into her dark eyes. "Brittany's gone. You know that. Now stop teasing yourself." A moment of silence passed, and Santana didn't say anything. Quinn took a deep breath. "Santana honey... This is your senior year... You don't want to spend it like this..."

"You're right." Santana cut her off. The low pitch of her voice scared Quinn. "I don't want to spend it like this. I want to spend it with Brittany."

Quinn couldn't help but feel a little kicked to the curb. She knew it was selfish of her, but still... She wanted Santana to know she was there for her. "Santana... you know you can't do that." Quinn told her. Santana ripped her gaze away from Brittany's locker, and looked out in front of her, still not facing Quinn.

"I know..." She said, her voice breaking in various places, and Quinn knew she was about to cry. Surprisingly though, Santana took a few moments to compose herself, not letting a single tear fall. "I uh... I'm on medication now." Santana said coolly. Quinn was a bit taken aback by the mood swing, but didn't try to make much of it.

"Oh? Really?" Quinn said casually, not sure of how to respond. "That's good I guess."

Santana shrugged. "I don't know... It makes me miss them...

"Miss what?" Quinn asked.

"The mountains."

Quinn didn't quite know what Santana meant by that, but she didn't care. Quinn reached her hand down to squeeze her friend's. "I've missed you, Santana. I really hope you get better."

"I just want her."

Quinn sighed, again feeling invisible. "I know." She mumbled. _But I'm here for you, too. _

* * *

><p>It was that day that Santana came back to Glee club. The kids tried to make it seem as normal as possible, but knowing the Glee kids, nothing was normal about them. There was a lot of hugging and tears from other members, but none from Santana. For as her club members embraced her, she showed no emotion. A poker face was what she wore, as she gave small thank you's to her peers. As things started to settle down, the day's normal business ensued. People got up to sing songs, and as they were given feedback, Santana even made some snide comments here and there, and soon, everyone was in hysterics, just happy to know Santana was becoming herself again.<p>

Although, no one wanted to admit it, but it felt weird. Santana, after making those comments, would usually smile back at Brittany, who would giggle and make some cute comment agreeing with Santana. Then the two would do something adorable like squeeze hands or kiss on the cheek, and the rest of the club would just smile at their adoration for each other.

_But not anymore. _

After Glee club that day, everyone cleared out of the choir room and headed home, as usual. Everyone that is, except Santana. Santana just stayed in her seat, staring out into the open spavce at the front of the choir room. Mr. Schuester noticed this as he gathered his own things together.

"Santana?" He said, pulling on his jacket. "You okay?"

Santana nodded, not saying a word.

"Okay..." Mr. Schuester said, tapping his foot. "Well, you head out, I'm locking the choir room for the day."

Santana looked up at him. "Can I stay here for a moment?" She asked. "I need some time alone."

Mr. Schuester nodded and set the keys on the piano. "Just return them to the office, okay?"

"Okay."

He walked up to the Latina, and put his hand on her shoulder. "Santana, I'm really glad to see that you're getting better."

Santana gave a little smile at Mr. Schuester before he nodded at her, and left the room. Santana was finally alone.

She let a moment of silence pass before she got up from her seat, and walked over to the piano.

"Remember this, Britt?" She said out loud, running her fingers along the top of the piano. "Remember when Artie called you stupid, and you started crying, and I held you for about an hour?" She said. "I sang that Fleetwood Mac song." Santana turned around to face the empty chairs of the choir room. "You remember how it goes, right?" Santana took a deep breath, and as if on cue, she began to sing.

_And the songbird's singing... Like they know the score._

Santana sang this bit of the song to the same chair she had seen Brittany sit in when she sang it the first time. She remembered the look of adoration on Brittany's face, the raw emotions of that moment.

_And I love you, I love you, I love you..._

"Like never before."

Santana jumped. She didn't sing that last line, no. It was someone else. Santana whipped herself around, and surely enough, there she was, standing in the choir room door. She looked just as beautiful as she always did. Her long blonde hair flowed past her shoulders, her yellow sundress making her eyes look like they had sparkles in them.

"Brittany!" Santana said, exasperated. She ran over to the blonde, flying into her arms. "I knew you weren't gone!" Santana released her from the hug, and kissed her deeply, feeling Brittany in her, as if they were kissing for the first time. Brittany responded enthusiastically to the kiss, running her fingers through Santana's hair.

"San... I love you so much." She mumbled between breaths as they kissed. Santana didn't respond until she released herself from the kiss, and looked directly into Brittany's beautiful eyes, their noses touching.

"I want to stay with you forever and ever, Britt." Santana whispered to Brittany, caught up in her eyes.

"You can, Santana." Brittany said. Santana raised an eyebrow.

"What do you mean?" Santana said, her voice dropping a register. Brittany gently took a hold of one of Santana's wrists, and stared longingly at one of the blue veins that snaked up her arm. Santana breathed in slowly. "Britt... you don't mean for me to...?"

Brittany reached in to give Santana another passionate kiss, before saying, "You'll get to be with me. Forever."

Santana didn't seem to need any more convincing after that. She looked around the room. "Britt, how do I...?"

Brittany's eyes trailed around the room, until her gaze became fixated on a shiny object that had been recently left on top of the piano.

The keys.

Brittany walked over to the piano and grabbed them, dangling them up in the air, smiling at her beloved.

"Will those be sharp enough?" Santana whispered loud enough so Brittany was the only one who heard. Brittany nodded, and tossed the keys to Santana. Santana caught the keys, and sifted through them, finding one that was the most jagged. She looked up at Brittany, who had went over to sit in the same chair that she had sat in the last time they were in the choir room alone together.

"See you on the other side, love." She said, twirling a piece of her long blonde hair, her eyes fixated on the keys in Santana's shaking fingers.

Santana held up her left wrist and positioned the jagged edge of the key in her right, slowly bringing it down forcefully right onto the veins of her wrist.


	4. Light in the Dark

"Lopez, Santana."

"Discovered unconscious at home..."

"Multiple razor wound to wrists and forearms, self inflicted."

Sutures…Gauze… antibiotics… sedated and restrained, dammit..."

Dr. Pillsbury rubbed his left temple as his glance trailed down to the bottom of the medical report, under where it read, "suggested medical solutions." He caught his breath, reading words he had not seen written on a medical report in the past ten years.

"ECT indicated..."

The Lima Emergency center never saw much action, especially not on Thursday nights. So when a call came in about finding a young girl bleeding to death in a high school choir room, there of course were more than enough nurses, doctors, and ER assistants to help out. Dr. Morburne was the first doctor to jump to the task of talking to the family. As he walked down the florescent lit hospital hallway, the bald-headed man held his head high. He came into the hospital room to a familiar scene of people looking concernedly over a girl lying sedated in a bed. The girl, a beautiful Latina, maybe about 17, had her arms wrapped up to her elbows in gauze.

"Is she going to be okay?"

Dr. Morburne's gaze was suddenly torn from the sedated girl to the people who had been sitting in the room. How long had they been there? There was an older Latina woman, likely her mom. As for the other three, there was a tall, awkward boy, a brunette, and a short -haired blonde. The boy looked at him with great concern as he spoke these words. Dr. Morburne just raised an eyebrow at the jumpy kid.

"Calm down, boy." He said, walking towards the girl on the bed. In a way, Dr. Morburne was frustrated there were people here to begin with. He was an introvert who preferred to do his work alone. As he checked the clipboard in his hand over, the boy wouldn't let down his guard.

"No, I'm not going to calm down!" The boy half shouted. How childish. Dr. Morburne took in a sigh.

"Seriously, man? What are you, her boyfriend?" Right away, Dr. Morburne knew he'd said the wrong thing. The two ladies sitting quietly in the back immediately took attention to what was going on, as the brunette jumped up to grab the boy's arm.

"Um no, Doctor. I'm his girlfriend." She said, with a possessive glare in her eyes that failed to amuse Dr. Morburne.

"Well isn't that charming?" He said bluntly, still making no effort to hold eye contact with the two kids. He quietly went along with his business, examining the bandages on her wrists, checking her pulse on the side of her neck, and making sure her IV was doing its job. He made a few marks on his clipboard before turning to the older woman who had been sitting quietly in the corner with the short-haired blonde. "Are you the mom?" he asked.

She was quick to respond. "Yes, yes I am." She stood up at her acknowledgement, almost as jumpy as the boy had been.

"Can I speak with you out in the hall?"

She seemed to be a good mother, at least she was concerned. Usually when a minor was in the hospital for a failed suicide attempt, more than half the time, the parent was either absent or didn't care. That was when a doctor could pinpoint a deeper cause for the attempt, and direct the family to counselors, or even a social worker if that was the case. This girl's mother, however, seemed very involved with the situation at hand. She obediently followed the doctor onto the hall.

"So... is she going to be okay?" The woman asked, once the door was shut behind them. Dr. Morburne just stared at her.

"Santana... she's been through therapy before?" He inquired.

"Well, yes she's been seeing someone."

"Okay..." He said, looking at the clipboard once more. "Well, I'll have you be glad to know, she's going to be fine, but the hospital isn't going to just let her go without plans for further treatment..."

The woman immediately jumped at this. "Oh!" She said. "She's already on medication."

"Yes, and that obviously wasn't working." Dr. Morburne shot back. That shut her mom up. He sighed. "Listen, Mrs. Lopez, the hospital has records of her past treatments. We're not entirely clueless. When your daughter's stable, the hospital suggests you have her undergo electric shock therapy."

There was a pause as Santana's mother took this all in. She squinted her eyes at the bald-headed man in front of her, popping one hand on her hip. "Electric shock therapy?" She said, confusedly. What the hell? Is that like, something from the 80's? You can't be serious."

Dr. Morburne just looked at her. "Ma'am, it's a very safe practice. Just a shock to the brain, barely enough electricity to light a 100 watt bolt. It's fool proof, really."

"Fool proof?" The fiery Latina questioned. "_Fool proof _is what they called the Titanic before it sank."

"Actually, ma'am, they called it unsinkable."

There was a small pause, where Dr. Morburne was almost sure the woman would full on slap him. Her brown eyes seemed to pierce into his soul, trying to tear him down with their coldness. Dr. Morburne, however, had dealt with madwoman like this before.

"Listen Mrs. Lopez," He said, his voice calm. "What we're doing here, it's nothing new. The procedure will clear what part of her memory she doesn't need anymore. The last thing you want is for your daughter to pull something like this again, and we're simply trying to prevent that."

Santana's mother listened to him carefully, savoring every word. However, it didn't take her long to respond. "You mean, she'll forget about _her_?"

Dr. Morburne scratched his head before saying, "Yeah, that would be the general idea."

Santana's mom still looked skeptical.

"Listen Mrs. Lopez, to be blunt, you don't want your daughter to pull this little stunt again. ECT could be the cure that you're looking for. You're light in the dark, so to speak. All you have to do is sign a few papers, and your insurance should be able to take care of the rest."

It was then that they both heard it. Beeping. From inside the hospital room. "Well, looks like someones up." Dr. Morburne said. Mrs. Lopez kept her eyes trained on him.

"Fine." The broke. "How about we at least talk to her about it."

* * *

><p>"Santana!" Brittany yelled out. "Come on in! The water's great!"<p>

The cute little blonde, wearing nothing but a yellow bikini, had emerged herself knee deep into the ocean. The two girls were on a deserted beach, all alone, and Santana would have it no other way. Santana, who had been casually suntanning, lifted up her sunglasses, seeing the blonde all the way out in the water. God, did she look adorable.

"Be right there, babe!" She called over, before throwing her sunglasses to the ground, and sprinting into the water. The warm sun felt good on her back. She felt free. She felt the warm salty water brush up against her legs as she splashed towards Brittany. Sand oozed between her toes, and Santana's heart fluttered.

Brittany walked a little ways towards Santana as well. "It's about time you showed up!" Brittany smiled. The sun reflected off her eyes, making them sparkle like never before. Santana wanted to look into them forever and ever.

Santana arrived and got close enough to Brittany to where she could wrap her arms around her neck and kiss her lightly on the lips. Staring into the blonde's blue eyes made Santana the happiest person in the world. "You're so beautiful..." She said, becoming lost in Brittany's eyes. "I'm so damn lucky to have you..."

Brittany received the kiss with pure delight. " I love you, San..." She whispered. For a while the girls just stood there, staring at each other contently.

Santana reached over to brush a strand of blonde hair back from Brittany's face. "So this is it?" She said, not looking away from her eyes. "I get to stay here forever? With you?"

A look of sadness spread across Brittany's face. "No..." She whispered.

"What?" An alarmed expression creeped across Santana's face. "What do you mean? I did what you told me to do!" She said panicked.

"_Santana_..." She heard a voice call. It didn't belong to Brittany.

Brittany just looked at her, a small tear running down her cheek.

"_Santana_..." The voice grew louder.

"No!" Santana chocked a sob, squeezing Brittany's hand hard. "No, I don't want to go."

"_Santana_..."

Brittany said nothing, she just let tears stream down her face. Santana stood there, just staring into her eyes as her whole world began to go dark.

* * *

><p>"Santana!" Quinn held her friend's hand firmly. Santana had been unconscious until just about five minutes ago, when she began to stir about frantically. Quinn, Finn, and Rachel had been in the hospital ever since Finn had gotten a call that Santana had tried to kill herself. Now here Quinn was, trying to shake a frantic Santana awake so she wouldn't hurt herself. "Santana, wake the fuck up!"<p>

Santana's eyes popped open. They were bloodshot and exhausted, but they were open. Santana sat up right away, her body immediately wracking with sobs. "Brittany... Brittany... Brittany..."

Quinn kept her hand in Santana's, and looked over to Rachel and Finn who were standing over her. The lost look in their eyes matched Quinn's. They had no idea what to do. Just then, the door flew open, and Dr. Morburne and Mrs. Lopez ran in. Rachel and Finn immediately stepped away from the bed, letting the doctor and her mom through, Rachel tied to Finn's arm. Quinn remained at her position, holding Santana's hand.

"Brittany... Brittany... Brittany..." Santana whimpered frantically, tears still streaming down her face. Dr. Morburne and Mrs. Lopez exchanged glances before Mr. Morburne broke the silence between the two.

"So, should I go get you that paperwork?" He asked, keeping his eyes fixed on Santana.

Santana's mom nodded slowly. "Yes, yes you should."


End file.
